SHEEP MANIA - LEVEL 33

I got myself a new toy. It's a mobile phone ("a phone" as I like to call it). My previous phone came directly from the Dark Ages (and it had no Chess…). Luckily, my brother decided to sell it to me as he was going to buy a better one.

It has lots of games available (and Chess!!!) because of something wonderful called "Symbian Operating System", "JAVA" and crap like that.

I couldn't care less about that technical stuff, especially on the field of "phone technology". I guess we all know one or two Phone-Nuts (more if you are really unlucky) who are able to describe these systems (and others I can't even mention because my brain usually gets catatonic) with increasing enthusiasm, for hours, in such an obscene detail that you are led to believe that they invented these systems themselves. It's a "phone" guys. Just a freaking phone… It can't be that fascinating. It's a dumb machine.

But there are PC-Nuts too. And they behave in a similar way and are sometimes the same "one or two people you know" (My apologies if by any chance you happen to suffer from this disorder. Get well soon!).

Coming to think of it, there are Nuts everywhere about: cars, shoes, food, soccer, clothes, vegetables, Star Trek, Elvis, Cannabis, LIDL supermarkets, the fascinating Royal Game of Che… (Oops! Let's carry on...)

First thing I did on the "phone" was to download and install every remotely interesting looking game that I could find (Torrents are so cool! But make me wish I had one Terabyte more of hard disk space…).

Well, I then began to try them out one by one.

When I got to "Sheep Mania" (fifth game I tried…), I just went berserk and kept playing it without being aware of the horrible fate that was in store for me.

I was doing fine and going through the levels like a bullet. I got to the point where I was able to solve the puzzles in advance on my mind and only then move those lazy sheep around and into their rightful blue places. I was feeling just like a clever Sheppard would (if they existed).

But suddenly this "so-full-of-himself" bullet hit on a wall. A giant unsurpassable wall. I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. The sheep began losing some confidence in their once brilliant leader.

I've been showing this level to friends and they also couldn't see how to solve it.

It's known as "Level 33" (a.k.a. the Horror Level).

I am beginning to obsess with this. It just isn't possible to be that hard. But I presently believe it's harder than finding a cure for cancer. When and if I ever get to see what level 34 looks like (which is basically what I would expect Heaven to be at this point), my next step will be to find a cure for cancer. Nothing can be as difficult as Sheep Mania's dreaded… Level 33.

I hate this level already and it's only been two days (this is no way to begin a serious relationship). When I stop on the sidewalk waiting for the traffic lights to go green, I begin to visualise it. I wake up thinking about it too. I know that after work, he will be waiting for me. And I wonder what the world will be like when I eventually conquer this tremendous enigma.

I've started to dream nightmares about the horrible… Level 33; and waking up soaking in nervous sweat screaming "NOOooooo! SHEEP! MORE SHEEP!! 33 SHEEP! ARGH! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!" and stuff like that.

I have already wasted more time on this level alone than on all the others put together. That's how hard it is. It actually took me less than an hour and a half to get to this level (not in one go as I unfortunately have a job and got to show up or they might think I'm dead or something). I reckon that I have now been around this one since Friday (today is Sunday, I think...). Almost two hours overall and… nothing! This is so frustrating.

I now intend to spend this Sunday afternoon fighting with my hangover mind against the legendary… Level 33. Behold for it is the Titan's Struggle of the whole weekend! This is probably one of the signs of the coming Apocalypse too.

Most people would probably just give up at this point (no one likes feeling stupid), but I have solved very difficult Chess problems (I'm slightly addicted to Chess…slightly…). So, herding these stupid sheep cannot be harder than Chess. It is not possible. Chess is the hardest thing you can try to master and a lifetime is not enough (don't blame chess for this, blame Life for being rather short). I cannot also embrace the fact that I'm not able to solve the amazingly problematic… Level 33.

I feel like I've stumbled upon a fifth dimension crack of insane reality (I want to get out, but they keep pulling me back in). Although it may not seem, I am in fact an extremely rational and logical person (not all the time, "obviously").

Now I know how Kasparov felt on that scaring second game against IBM Deep Blue in 1997 in which the machine began to play human-like moves.

This is the face of the monster I'm trying to defeat. Presenting, "Sheep Mania" (Level 33 is lurking inside):

I know. It looks harmless and cute. But just try and solve it and you'll see what it does to the concept you have of your intelligence (it's usually a fantasy anyway).
This level will swallow you whole and slowly digest you alive.

Whenever I have a difficult problem, well… I obsess about it until I see a solution. I can be very persistent as I simply don't give up. I keep going back until I see it done. That's also why it is generally a bad idea to mess with me. I know no boundaries, no limits of any sort, when I get like this. It's a darker shade of me (which I really like because it reminds me of "The Godfather" trilogy which I simply adore for obvious reasons). It seldom presents itself, but now it is time for it to come forth. My darker side and the baffling… Level 33 are about to get acquainted with each other. It will be like a terrible mob war! (for the puzzling… Level 33, I hope…)

[Two struggling long hours later...]

Eureka!!! I finally got it! I'm so happy!

Sunday, October 28th 2007 (at precisely 18:03) is a date which will live in infamy for all Sheep! (especially those from Level 33)

I knew I could do it without having to set the problem up on a chessboard with pawns instead of sheep; Or without complex strategic campaign plans of attack (I was feeling desperate at some point...). I feel I've broken a mental barrier and incidentally completely wasted my Sunday afternoon. And for what? Stupid sheep. I hate the now broken… Level 33. And sheep. But Level 33…. Grrr…. I hope they all go into the slaughter house when they're finally on those blue circles waving goodbye.

Why couldn't I just play something else? Like "Snakes and Ladders", "Trivial Pursuit" (for kids) or "Monopoly" (Junior) or … or something that doesn't resemble mental torture?!

Sometimes it's really complicated being me. I like mental challenges but this was pure pain. My head aches (and not just from last night's Red Label) and I think it looks slightly bigger, reminding me of a documentary I saw on Area 51, featuring autopsies and interviews with this funny little green fella.

But what a relief!... Aaaah!… It's refreshing to feel a taste of victory (a small one but nonetheless…)
Now, I'm out to tell the fascinating tale of "our hero's journey" into the haunted Dark Forest (a.k.a. the 33th Sheep Triangle). And I'll probably need duck tape and some rope to make sure people will hear the end of this glorious and heroic odyssey of a very stubborn bloke versus a tiny puzzle level.

Hmm… for a moment, it didn't sound like much of an accomplishment, but you try it. Really! Get the stupid game on your phone and see for yourself.

Level 33 is waiting for a piece of your mind too…

And if you get stuck on some earlier level, you know what to do: tell no one about it!

I need to rest. This was exhausting.

Nevertheless, "Cure for Cancer" you're next and it'll surely be a walk in the park (I guess everything will be after this…). Splitting the atom doesn't look so difficult now too.

When I get back from the diner, I'll take a brave look at level 34. It's gotta be easy…